I have no clue how my life is right now. I want to know though but then it just seems pointless. What is that I need right now? what would actually make me happy this second? No idea. Is it the possible chances of getting whatever I want being a little high killing the motivation I need to do something? Yeah I guess. Even though it isn't very obvious I'm a spoilt child who normally gets whatever she wants. Being a spoilt child is fun, I get to be whoever I want at my house atleast. This family tries their best to suit the endless wishes I have and there are times when they burst out even after full filling them. It has happened quite often these days but not even once was I comforting them. There were times where I tried my best to look responsible but I never was comforting because I knew that I wasn't capable of it. But that didn't make me any better of a person I was. I have a cool Mom who apparently has a split personality. She is capable of being extremely sweet and makes me want to have any type of conversation with her but then, when she gets pissed off she is a completely different person. My Dad is a person with whom I fight the before minute and hug the next and this is something which keeps repeating throughout the day. My grand mom is someone who is ready to wake up at 3 am to cook me something because I am hungry only to complain about me to my mom the whole day. I have a sister who has been nothing but a disgrace for me which I owed to protect. Then comes the remaining family which consists of people who are talented and lovable with a bonus ability of being able to annoy me to the peaks. I fight with my parents everyday, I seem to hate my sister and my family. I'm frustrated that I can't be of any help but I'm annoyed that I can't be like a flashy teenager either. I don't intend to fight but I get so tired of controlling my emotions outside so that I look like a responsible person that I just burst out at the slightest things at home. It's not that I have a carefree attitude or I don't take my family seriously. It's just that I know that the day might be screaming hate but in the end, It's only about the love we have and the bond we share I guess, It's true for them though. So I'm going to take the risk of annoying or maybe even hurting them till they get my intentions. In the end, this house seems the only place to be able to tolerate me and I can't help but let myself laze around. I don't mind them scolding me or hating me. Right now this is the only place where I can afford to lose an image because I'm too busy trying to create one in the outside world. Right now, I want to be a spoilt child but then I will make efforts to change it. It's just that, it isn't something which can happen immediately. Can I be selfish this time?
Happy minutes of the day. I couldn't do anything today, literally. I only chilled with a book and a big mug of tomato soup which said "It goes best with a hug.". Isn't it retarded to imagine someone coming and hugging me while I drink soup? I don't want to spill it all over me in the end.
but yeah, I love this mug. I love hugs. I love soup and I love myself :'D I loved the book too.
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